We all know it’s hard to stop having feelings for your ex once a relationship is over.  Enough groveling and feeling sad for yourself . It’s time to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart!

Here’s how:

1. Unfriend them on facebook. Unfollow them on Twitter. Unlink them on LinkedIn.
I know you won’t be able to see their status updates on your newsfeeds, the new pictures they post or are tagged in, who they are now friends with, etc.  Stop stalking and start clicking: REMOVE THIS PERSON AS A FRIEND.

2. Go out with your friends.
I don’t care if you are not in the mood or you don’t feel like yourself. You have to go out and have some fun. It’s OK if you talk about your ex for a few minutes but if it starts to take up the entire conversation all night long – stop talking. This is a time to let loose and relax with good people.

3. Put away all their things.
Now notice, I didn’t say throw their things out. I have a theory about this. As long as their things are out of sight, it’s fine. You will know you have progressed immensely when you take a glance at an old photo album of you two, or look at a necklace he gave you one Christmas and not care at all about it.

4. Don’t try to get your stuff back.
Just think of it as a sunk cost.

5. Push them off that pedestal.
Don’t idolize them and build them up into something great. They’re not. So even if they call you/email /BBM/IM/text –  whatever form of digital communication they choose – don’t go out of your way for them. No longer do they deserve preferential treatment.

6. Don’t look for a new love right away.
It may seem like a good idea to jump onto eharmony or match.com, have someone fix you up, or go out with your friends and try to pick up a new person. But I really feel like when you are not looking for love, it happens. People know when you are on the hunt. They can feel your intensity and insecurity and run the other way. This is only going to lower your self esteem if you keep getting rejected or not find someone right away.

7. Remember the bad times.
If you start to feel nostalgic, then think of all the times he was an a$$ and she was a bitch to you. That should do it. Remember when he forgot your birthday? Or that time when she made you go to the mall all day with her and you missed your Alma Mater play in that Bowl game?

8. Stay busy.
Get a hobby: try cooking, learning a new language, or even better – start seducing somebody they were always jealous of.  Oops, if that gets back to them

Thoughts? Think I am crazy or on the right track?

As many of you know, I love television.  Some people love to read, hike, ski, write poetry…I absolutely love TV.

Many of you also know that I love crappy TV. In fact, I’ll give anything a try at least once.

Perhaps some of you can understand where I am coming from and still catch an episode of One Tree Hill from time to time.

Yes, One Tree Hill.

Anyway, last week’s episode was quite the tear jerker. AND it actually made me think about life and…

Love.

Just in case some of you missed the episode (which I’m guessing everyone did except one or two of you…and yes I am talking about a certain best friend of mine from California who I can always count on watching cheesy TV), there were many subplots, but the most prevalent theme was to go after what you want. Don’t hesitate. Life is too short to play games, especially with love.

This is something that many of us have heard before but how many of us really live life like it might be our last day? I don’t want to get too sappy but I will leave you with this:

Smile more, go with your gut, and love like you’ve never been hurt.

So you’re single.

You live alone…or even worse, you live with 6 roommates and you are 30+ years old.

And it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow, so you are even more depressed.

Don’t be! Here are some reasons why it’s good to be single on this Hallmark Holiday…

1. Who wants to leave the house on a Sunday? Sundays are days of rest.
2. Save some money.  No need to buy a tacky heart-shaped gift for anyone – instead, invest in something for yourself!
3. You have work on Monday! No one wants to be all hung over on the first day back to work.  You just saved yourself a massive headache.
4. It’s better to be single than stuck in a bad romance (love that song by the way Lady Gaga).  Trust me, I watch a lot of reality TV and there are so many unhappy couples out there – just check out a repeat of “Wife Swap” or even worse, “Tool Academy.” Guaranteed that will make you feel better.
5. Celebrate your friendships. Don’t fall into the mindset that you have to be in a couple to be happy. Be thankful for the true friends in your life and get them a tacky present if you must buy something.

So Happy Valentine’s day everyone and keep your chin up!

Famous older man with his younger ladies...

Scenario…
He had vinyl records and 8 tracks growing up and now thinks an iPod sounds like an odd vegetable.  And just forget about trying to explain what the new iPad is to him.  Despite his technology innocence, he’s extremely charming, attractive and knows what he wants in life.  Sounds pretty good, right?  Well, what happens when you both go out and the younger ladies start paying attention to him?  All of sudden his once light blue tapered jeans and turtleneck combo have become a nice dark-wash pant with an out-of-this world button-up specifically made for the 28 and younger crowd.

His favorite Johnny Walker Black drink has now shifted to the Jager bomb…time to worry?

Possible Outcomes…
#1 You go out.  Instead of the extravagant French bistro he took you to on your first date, he takes you to a hole in the wall pub because his new friend is working there who promised to give him a discount.  And by new friend, we mean the guy who just mastered Photoshop in order to make fake IDs for all of his frat brothers. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: MODERATE)

#2 You go out.  Dinner is extravagant and the drinks are flowing.  You are feeling good and your man is looking hot in his new outfit.  You notice the cute waitress that is serving you acting a little flirtier with each round she brings over. You get up to go to the restroom and when you return, the bill has been paid and your man gets a cute little wink from the waitress and a phone number. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#3 You stay in. You are enjoying a lovely evening of dinner and drinks.  He surprises you with a dozen roses and an iTunes gift card.  He mentions he has already downloaded your favorite song, “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera.  He says you are the most gorgeous thing in the world to him and he’s so lucky to have you in his life.  (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

#4 You two stay in.  It’s Sunday.  You know what that means…football.  You hate football.  You don’t know the players or what teams have the best chance of making it to the Superbowl.  Your idea of a “pool” is one that you can swim in, not bet in.  Your man realizes that the last thing you want to be doing is watching the games so he surprises you with a shopping trip.  He says, you are the best thing he’s ever gambled on and he has already won the jackpot.  (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: LOW)

#5 You go on a double date with another couple and you decide it’s “game night.”  Dave & Buster’s is the hot spot of the night – full of basketball, air hockey, wings and beer.  Your man is a hit with your friends and with the games and he wins you a stuffed bear.  His game tactics are perfect and doesn’t have a mean, competitive bone in his body.  He supports you even though you missed 20 out of 21 shots on the basketball game and gives you the last buffalo wing on the platter.  (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

The Lesson:
“Sometimes an old dog can learn some new tricks”

I just had coffee with one of my friends who like many of us, always has a story about a guy.  The latest is definitely blog worthy and I thought it might be true for a lot of people.

You had a great relationship with someone and then sadly, it ended.  No more late night talks, cute dinner dates, or even drunken debacles.

A few months go by, and then all of a sudden you see him at a friend’s St. Paddy’s Day party.  As the shamrocks on your cheeks both glisten, you begin to reconnect over a Guinness.  It’s the luck of the Irish you think, and you begin your romance once again.

April. May. June. July. Yep – then, it’s over yet again.  You still remain friends but romance is certainly not in the cards any longer.

Over the next year, you go on dates with new men, but don’t meet anyone special.  For some reason, your ex is always in the back of your mind and you only remember the good times (because let’s face it, we never remember the bad times).

Then, this past weekend you go snowboarding a few states away.  Midway through your drive to the mountain, you realize you forget to pack your snow gear! Ugh, how annoying.  Now you realize you can buy $400 worth of new stuff, or take the more economical route, and rent some.

You go to the ski shop that you’ve never been to before and rent your wardrobe for the weekend.  After a couple days of snowboarding and drinking, you’re trip is over and it’s now time to return your rented gear.

Standing in line, you hear a familiar laugh.  You turn around – and who is it? Yep, it’s your ex.  It has to be fate you think – bumping into him at a random mountain rental ski shop doesn’t just happen, right?

I usually give a few possible outcomes, but this time I decided to just give one.  Tough Love I’m going to call this one.

It’s not fate, you’re just bored. You haven’t had any luck recently with men and running into your ex may seem like fate, but there is a reason why he’s your “ex.”  If it didn’t work the first two times, I can pretty much guarantee it’s not going to work again.

Don’t fall into the “it’s fate” trap.  Stop thinking about “what might happen,” and instead get a hobby and meet someone new!

Thoughts?

Scenario…
Your relationship starts out great. Your new man is charming in all those bad boy ways that all of us love.  You like his confidence, street smarts, sense of humor and he makes you feel special when you are together.  However, as you begin to get closer, you step into some awkward territory…

Step 1:  You are on your way back from a long day of work when you get a text, asking you to pick up some essential toiletries at CVS for him. You say “of course, no problem babe,” and bring him his razors, shaving cream, gummy bears, and deodorant.  He works nights, and needed to get ready.  He must have had an exhausting day of playing videogames that he didn’t have a minute to get the things himself.

Step 2:  His credit isn’t so good.  Yours is impeccable.  His pay-as-you-go cell phone isn’t doing the job anymore so he asks if you could get him a phone under your name.  He swears he will pay you monthly and would never dream of messing up your credit.  You agree it is important to keep in contact with each other frequently and could never picture him doing you wrong. 

There have been some roadblocks in your amazing love race thus far. His “can you pick up a few things” texts have become fairly frequent and he has missed some of his monthly mobile payments because he hasn’t “cashed his paycheck” yet.  Plus, he couldn’t stop talking about getting that meaningful eagle tattoo and how could you be the one to crush his dreams?  Despite some of the hazardous signs, you decide to trudge along…

Step 3:  His landlord kicked him out.  He asks if you would mind if he crashed at your place for a little bit, until he finds a new one.  He promises that he will help out with the rent and keep your little dog company during the day.  Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to you.  Three months pass and his stuff is all over your apartment, your wallet is emptier and your laundry bag seems to get fuller faster. 

Step 4:  The requests for loans get larger and the cell phone, electric and cable bills grow…What’s a generous girl to do?

Possible Outcomes…
#1 You continue to help him out.  He just needs to get back on his feet and when he does he will pay you back.  Who knows, maybe he will hit it big with his music career and make a really successful album. Of course he’ll dedicate it to you since you are his rock.  (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: LOW)

 #2 You kick him out and show him who’s boss.  Enough is enough.  You work hard and all he does is lay around your apartment all day.  Sure he has unlocked a lot of great prizes on your PS3, but is it worth it?  It finally hits you and you realize this is so not worth all this pain to your heart, and your wallet.  (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

#3 It’s the little things that matter, right?  He starts to pay you back by cooking you romantic dinners, doing the dishes and walking the dog.  He even changes the battery on your smoke detector and the light bulbs that are too high too reach.  It’s like having your own personal handyman around.  It’s not so bad. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: MODERATE)

 #4 You give him an ultimatum.  He either pays you back or it’s over.  He says fine, and leaves you…with a $300 phone bill.  Next day, you see him arm and arm with some other gullible girl.  (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

 #5 You continue to help him out.  The vicious cycle continues and you are stuck with some money grubbing bum who can’t even figure out how to program the speed dial on his cell phone that you are paying for.  As the bills continue to pile in, you happen to notice many unfamiliar phone numbers.  Got to love a guy who cheats on you on your tab.  (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

 The Lesson…
“Money comes and goes…so should the losers who mooch off of you”

Cheers

Scenario…
Going out with your friends is a great way to socialize and meet new people.  Usually, you end up at a bar. Once you find a bar you like, you get comfortable and it becomes your stomping ground.  You come to know the staff on a first-name basis and their friendliness and sense of humor becomes attractive.

A pattern develops in this new found home away from home:
Step 1: Pay as you drink
Step 2: A free shot here and there
Step 3: Hugs & friendly kisses start to be exchanged more frequently with the bar staff, along with the steadier buy-back
Step 4: You and the bar back wink “hello”
Step 5: When you walk in, your favorite drink is passed over to you even before you open your mouth.
Step 6: You close out the bar and are invited to stay for after hours.
Step 7: The bouncer lets you skip the long line and bypass the cover charge.
Step 8: The new after-hours spot becomes the bartender/bouncer/DJ’s (insert appropriate staff member here) apartment.
Step 9: You start feeling something for him, and plan your drinking schedule around his work schedule so you can hang more.
Step 10: Love is in the air, at least on your end. You treasure his winks from behind the bar, from the DJ booth, or from the door where he is stationed.

Are these the steps to your next happy relationship? I mean, it sounds pretty great…free drinks, no waiting in the cold on line, good conversation, and a desirable, hot man that is all yours! Isn’t he?

Possible Outcomes…
#1 You continue your pattern of going out.  Despite your day job and his night job, things seem to be going really well with him.  Your work suffers from exhaustion, and your colleagues ask quite frequently about your late nights due to the fact you practically fall asleep at your desk every day. But you are happy and make a note to buy concealer to cover up those dark circles under your eyes. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: MODERATE)

#2 As you continue going to the bar, you can’t help but notice the amount of “extra friendly” girls that also are there regularly and seem to be floating on cloud nine around him. Your man assures you that you are his one and only, and runs outside on his break to buy you a single rose. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: MODERATE)

#3 You get butterflies when your man winks at you from his position in the bar. But when you turn around, some hot blonde is returning the exact same smile that you are.  You start to wonder, who was that affectionate gesture really for? (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#4 You surprise him during his lunch shift with his favorite iced coffee.  He is making out with that redhead that you noticed coming around the bar more regularly. You go up and dump him and the coffee over his head, and march out. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#5 You go to the bar to hang out with your man.  As he is at the other end of the bar hitting on a group of bachelorettes, the guy next to you leans over and says you have the most stunning eyes he has ever seen. You stop staring at your man behind the bar to turn and be blown away by the most beautiful man you have ever seen.  Time flies as you immerse yourself in conversation with the new man with a stool in front of the bar.  You cast one last glance at your bartender and realize that he hasn’t even noticed that you have been preoccupied for the last three hours. You have been dating your new hottie ever since that blissful night.  (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

The Lesson…
“It’s time to raise the bar”

Scenario…
Immediate connection as your eyes meet across the Golden Tee machine at your local watering hole. He is drinking your beer of choice, sporting a baseball cap of your beloved baseball team, and you catch a whiff of your favorite cologne as he approaches. Could he be the one? You hit it off, and your friends all love him too. He is hysterical, and you spend the rest of the evening laughing over a few more drinks. He calls the next day, and you plan a date, which also goes famously. Months pass, and things start to heat up. Going out becomes more routine, as do affectionate kisses and sleepovers that eventually lead to the best loving you have ever had. However, strange patterns begin to develop as you become more comfortable with each other.

Guy: I love you
Next morning, girl rolls over
Girl: I love you too. It meant so much to hear that from you last night.
Guy: (looking at girl like she has two heads) Huh?

Guy: So, my lease is up next month. I think we should look for a place together.
Girl: Do you think it is too soon?
Guy: No baby, this is it for me. You are the one.
Next morning
Girl: So, when do you want to start looking for places?
Guy: (looking at girl like she has two heads) Huh?

Whether it be a severe case of alcoholism, a split personality disorder, or a simple case of forgetfulness, you have a huge dilemma on your hands. Continue to date the fun loving, affectionate night guy and risk the morning “Huh?” man? Or drop Question Mark altogether?

Possible Outcomes…
#1 You stick it out. You love the way things are at night, and hey, you are little tough to deal with in the morning also. Spontaneity is the spice of life, right? (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#2 You stick it out and confront the situation. You get in to massive fights every morning and go home in tears. But don’t worry, he will call you three hours later not remembering a damn thing…and invite you to Florida to meet his parents. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#3 You realize that his craziness is rubbing off on you. You begin experiencing mood swings and your relationships with your coworkers and friends suffer as a result. Your best friend finally calls you out on it, and you finally leave Mr. Forgetful. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: MODERATE)

#4 You stick it out. Night guy finally fades to day and he loves you 24 hours a day, instead of just 12 hours. (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: LOW)

#5 You both realize it is not working out. You decide to become best night friends and continue to have the greatest sex of your life. Don’t feel bad that your relationship with him is just a booty call; it will be your best kept secret, because he won’t remember to tell a soul in the morning. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: HIGH)

The Lesson… 
You will always remember true love – Don’t forget that

Scenario…
You met a guy at a bar.  It’s football Sunday so you order your normal light beer and turn to see what he’s drinking.  Cranberry juice.  You think he probably went out hard the night before so he’s taking it easy today.

You ask if you could buy him a beer and he politely turns you down but offers you a stool seat next to him.  Conversation starts flowing, and so does his cranberry and sprite.

He then tells you he does not drink alcohol. He doesn’t like the effects of it on him or anyone at that matter. You respect his decision, but you’ve never been the “main buzzed” one in the relationship.

Can he be your little sober honey bee or should he buzz off?

Possible Outcomes…
1. You begin dating him.  He tells you he’s a comedian and invites you to one of his shows.  You quickly realize you have to be drunk to attend this…he’s awful! You decide it’s hard enough to date someone that doesn’t even enjoy a sip of wine from time to time, but someone that isn’t even funny?! You dump your not-so-funny man for the bouncer at the door. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: MODERATE)

2. You begin dating him.  He brings you to a nice restaurant and the waiter takes your drink order.  As the word “cosmo” comes out of your mouth, you can see a dirty look from him coming your way.  You ignore the initial dagger, but as the “why you shouldn’t drink” speech starts, you get annoyed.  You aren’t judging his sober stance, why should he be so opinionated about your favorite “Sex and the City” cocktail? You decide his raised eyebrow nature is not going to work for you.  You flush him out of your life, just like that nasty white zinfandel that has been in your fridge for ages. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: MODERATE)

3. You date him.  He opens your eyes to new places and you are loving it! Who knew you would love the ballet? Or the museum? Or even jazz music? You progress with your relationship and he begins to say really sweet things.  You love how he treats you and for once, you know it’s not the alcohol speaking.  It’s him. (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

4. You don’t give him your number.  You know the kinds of places you like to hang out at, and most of them are loud, rowdy bars.  Instead of even giving him a shot, you take your shot, and scurry along. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: MODERATE)

5. You give him your number.  You hang out a couple of times, but you realize you are probably better off just as friends.  Not necessarily because he doesn’t drink, but because he’s a Boston Red Sox fan and you love your NY Yankees.  A true romance would never work. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: MODERATE)

The Lesson…
Bottling Up Your Feelings is Never Good.  Give it a Shot.

Scenario…
The scar that breaks the perfect curve of his eyebrow reminds you of Dylan McKay on your favorite show back in the day, Beverly Hills 90210. Rather than taking you on long rides on his motorcycle, he likes to delve into his past boxing stories and how he lost that tooth in the back of his grill that you didn’t notice the first few dates.

At night, he invites you over to his apartment only to leave you on the sofa to watch reruns of “The Family Guy” while he goes off to workout with his buddies at the gym. Just a one time fluke, right? He doesn’t really mean to leave you all alone in his dark, dirty, smelly, sketchy basement apartment so he can buff up with some mates?

The once “I’ll be right back, 30-minute workout” soon becomes the daily “two-hour gym escapade.” You soon realize that you are dating Conan O’Brian more than your own boyfriend.

Conversations circle around the best new muscle book on the shelves and how many protein drinks he had that day. You know more about his little black book of workout routines better than anything else. Is this normal?

Possible Outcomes…
#1 You sit in his apartment. He may be gone for a couple hours at night, but he’s working on his body for you, right? What’s a few hours versus one hot bod? (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: HIGH)

#2 You offer to go with him to the gym. He says “no,” this is HIS time to be with his friends and he doesn’t want any distractions…ie YOU. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#3 You offer to go with him to the gym. He says “yes” emphatically and your body becomes hotter than it has ever been before. He realizes the amazing woman he has and walks along with you proudly. (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

#4 You dump him. You use your new found time to go to a gym near your clean apartment and start to date a hot trainer, who has nights off. You run into your gym-obsessed ex months later, with your new killer bod and hot man by your side and you ask, “ooh, have you been slacking at the gym? You are losing your tone.” (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

#5 You confront him. It’s either the bench press or you. He chooses to drop all 125 lbs of you. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

The Lesson…
“Don’t be a treadmill and let him walk all over YOU!”