Gift Scrap Blog

Scenario…
Immediate connection as your eyes meet across the Golden Tee machine at your local watering hole. He is drinking your beer of choice, sporting a baseball cap of your beloved baseball team, and you catch a whiff of your favorite cologne as he approaches. Could he be the one? You hit it off, and your friends all love him too. He is hysterical, and you spend the rest of the evening laughing over a few more drinks. He calls the next day, and you plan a date, which also goes famously. Months pass, and things start to heat up. Going out becomes more routine, as do affectionate kisses and sleepovers that eventually lead to the best loving you have ever had. However, strange patterns begin to develop as you become more comfortable with each other.

Guy: I love you
Next morning, girl rolls over
Girl: I love you too. It meant so much to hear that from you last night.
Guy: (looking at girl like she has two heads) Huh?

Guy: So, my lease is up next month. I think we should look for a place together.
Girl: Do you think it is too soon?
Guy: No baby, this is it for me. You are the one.
Next morning
Girl: So, when do you want to start looking for places?
Guy: (looking at girl like she has two heads) Huh?

Whether it be a severe case of alcoholism, a split personality disorder, or a simple case of forgetfulness, you have a huge dilemma on your hands. Continue to date the fun loving, affectionate night guy and risk the morning “Huh?” man? Or drop Question Mark altogether?

Possible Outcomes…
#1 You stick it out. You love the way things are at night, and hey, you are little tough to deal with in the morning also. Spontaneity is the spice of life, right? (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#2 You stick it out and confront the situation. You get in to massive fights every morning and go home in tears. But don’t worry, he will call you three hours later not remembering a damn thing…and invite you to Florida to meet his parents. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#3 You realize that his craziness is rubbing off on you. You begin experiencing mood swings and your relationships with your coworkers and friends suffer as a result. Your best friend finally calls you out on it, and you finally leave Mr. Forgetful. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: MODERATE)

#4 You stick it out. Night guy finally fades to day and he loves you 24 hours a day, instead of just 12 hours. (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: LOW)

#5 You both realize it is not working out. You decide to become best night friends and continue to have the greatest sex of your life. Don’t feel bad that your relationship with him is just a booty call; it will be your best kept secret, because he won’t remember to tell a soul in the morning. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: HIGH)

The Lesson… 
You will always remember true love – Don’t forget that

Scenario…
You met a guy at a bar.  It’s football Sunday so you order your normal light beer and turn to see what he’s drinking.  Cranberry juice.  You think he probably went out hard the night before so he’s taking it easy today.

You ask if you could buy him a beer and he politely turns you down but offers you a stool seat next to him.  Conversation starts flowing, and so does his cranberry and sprite.

He then tells you he does not drink alcohol. He doesn’t like the effects of it on him or anyone at that matter. You respect his decision, but you’ve never been the “main buzzed” one in the relationship.

Can he be your little sober honey bee or should he buzz off?

Possible Outcomes…
1. You begin dating him.  He tells you he’s a comedian and invites you to one of his shows.  You quickly realize you have to be drunk to attend this…he’s awful! You decide it’s hard enough to date someone that doesn’t even enjoy a sip of wine from time to time, but someone that isn’t even funny?! You dump your not-so-funny man for the bouncer at the door. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: MODERATE)

2. You begin dating him.  He brings you to a nice restaurant and the waiter takes your drink order.  As the word “cosmo” comes out of your mouth, you can see a dirty look from him coming your way.  You ignore the initial dagger, but as the “why you shouldn’t drink” speech starts, you get annoyed.  You aren’t judging his sober stance, why should he be so opinionated about your favorite “Sex and the City” cocktail? You decide his raised eyebrow nature is not going to work for you.  You flush him out of your life, just like that nasty white zinfandel that has been in your fridge for ages. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: MODERATE)

3. You date him.  He opens your eyes to new places and you are loving it! Who knew you would love the ballet? Or the museum? Or even jazz music? You progress with your relationship and he begins to say really sweet things.  You love how he treats you and for once, you know it’s not the alcohol speaking.  It’s him. (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

4. You don’t give him your number.  You know the kinds of places you like to hang out at, and most of them are loud, rowdy bars.  Instead of even giving him a shot, you take your shot, and scurry along. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: MODERATE)

5. You give him your number.  You hang out a couple of times, but you realize you are probably better off just as friends.  Not necessarily because he doesn’t drink, but because he’s a Boston Red Sox fan and you love your NY Yankees.  A true romance would never work. (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: MODERATE)

The Lesson…
Bottling Up Your Feelings is Never Good.  Give it a Shot.

Scenario…
The scar that breaks the perfect curve of his eyebrow reminds you of Dylan McKay on your favorite show back in the day, Beverly Hills 90210. Rather than taking you on long rides on his motorcycle, he likes to delve into his past boxing stories and how he lost that tooth in the back of his grill that you didn’t notice the first few dates.

At night, he invites you over to his apartment only to leave you on the sofa to watch reruns of “The Family Guy” while he goes off to workout with his buddies at the gym. Just a one time fluke, right? He doesn’t really mean to leave you all alone in his dark, dirty, smelly, sketchy basement apartment so he can buff up with some mates?

The once “I’ll be right back, 30-minute workout” soon becomes the daily “two-hour gym escapade.” You soon realize that you are dating Conan O’Brian more than your own boyfriend.

Conversations circle around the best new muscle book on the shelves and how many protein drinks he had that day. You know more about his little black book of workout routines better than anything else. Is this normal?

Possible Outcomes…
#1 You sit in his apartment. He may be gone for a couple hours at night, but he’s working on his body for you, right? What’s a few hours versus one hot bod? (Desirability: MODERATE; Reality: HIGH)

#2 You offer to go with him to the gym. He says “no,” this is HIS time to be with his friends and he doesn’t want any distractions…ie YOU. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

#3 You offer to go with him to the gym. He says “yes” emphatically and your body becomes hotter than it has ever been before. He realizes the amazing woman he has and walks along with you proudly. (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

#4 You dump him. You use your new found time to go to a gym near your clean apartment and start to date a hot trainer, who has nights off. You run into your gym-obsessed ex months later, with your new killer bod and hot man by your side and you ask, “ooh, have you been slacking at the gym? You are losing your tone.” (Desirability: HIGH; Reality: MODERATE)

#5 You confront him. It’s either the bench press or you. He chooses to drop all 125 lbs of you. (Desirability: LOW; Reality: HIGH)

The Lesson…
“Don’t be a treadmill and let him walk all over YOU!”

I talk amongst my girlfriends everyday, discussing the scenarios that go along with any relationship. In our group of friends, we first started off with manners and compassion, trying to say the right thing and be as supportive as possible. Our faces full of sympathy and our ears open to any situation; we were there for each other. However, in the back our minds, we always knew that our friends were going to do what they wanted to do no matter what.

After years of dating ups and downs, such as animalistic passion turning into brotherly love, the “it’s not you, it’s me,” and everything in between, we have changed our tame tune to a more “in your face” approach. Instead of playing the “I’m here for you, no matter what you decide” card, we have decided to play a different hand and just lay it all on the line. Now, this doesn’t mean that we don’t care about our friends’ romantic woes; we are just shooting straight to the point. So, for all of you out there who feel that you are better off if you “learn from your own mistakes,” get over yourselves. Take this opportunity to learn from some of ours.

From time to time on the “I Give a Scrap” blog, I will give dating/relationship scenarios and possible outcomes.  Think of it as a mixture of  VH1′s “Tough Love” mixed with a dash of “Million Dollar Matchmaker” meets “Dear Abby.”

All these situations will be rated with a “Desirability” and “Reality” score.  “Desirability” meaning what you want to happen and “Reality” being what really is going to come of it.

Feel free to suggest scenarios or topics of discussion.

Happy reading love birds!